CARS

Today, as we've entered the 21st Century, the world keeps going faster & faster and many struggle to keep up with the pace. Our burgers are never cooked fast enough. We get frustrated at the thought of a 56k modem for the internet. Even speed limits of 70mph mean little to many. We all seem to be in a hurry ... But for what? Sometimes, just the few chances that we get to stop and smell the roses end up being the memories we hold onto. And that can mean more to us than just trying to save that extra 10 minutes of drive-time.


This is the message of Pixar Animation Studios' latest release, “Cars.”


The film focuses on the racing hotshot, Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson). A rookie of the racing scene, Lightning has been burning up the racing circuit all season, putting him in the running to win one of racing's highest awards: The Piston Cup.



But Lightning has got some competition if he expects to get to the top. Also gunning for the top award are racing veteran The King (voiced by racing legend Richard Petty), and Chick Hicks (Michael Keaton), a racer who will resort to underhanded means to come out on top.

Unfortunately, Lightning also has a bit of an ego problem. Keeping his image and flashing his "lucky sticker" for the press takes more precedence than having a good pit crew, let alone giving much respect to his sponsor: Rust-Eze Medicated Bumper Ointment.



On the final trip of the season, Lightning loses his way and manages to get lost on Route 66. Where he ends up in "a heap of trouble," according to the resident Sheriff (Michael Wallis) of the sleepy little town of Radiator Springs.

For causing such trouble, Lightning is sentenced to community service for several of his reckless actions. Of course, Lightning would just as soon ditch the little town and get to the big race.



There has been a lot of talk since the first teaser of "Cars," way back in the Fall of 2004, where some felt that the idea of talking cars was a step backwards for Pixar. However, the idea of animating a car looks as difficult as it took to imbue fish in "Finding Nemo" with personality (fish have no shoulders, which is also the same kind of problem with cars). But Pixar does nothing short-sighted. They explore all possiblities. And when it comes to their latest subject, they've pulled off their latest task with gusto. In "Cars," axles extend, tires flatten, and the car bodies contort so believeably that you may start imagining what your own car would be like if it was alive.

Character-wise, Pixar hits almost every character with detail, that even the lesser-used characters have their little moments that capture so much of the essence of this film.

Owen Wilson plays Lightning with a great sense of cockiness, but for one of the most understated performances, I was drawn to the Fabulous Hudson Hornet, Doc Hudson (played with grandeur by acting legend Paul Newman). Pixar and Newman give Doc such a subdued personality, that his dark and mysterious persona will draw audiences in.




One of the most controversial character castings (According to the numerous forums I've browsed for the last year) has been in the casting of Larry the Cable Guy as Mater the tow truck. Many have felt that this was one of the steps backwards in Pixar's casting troupe, but Mater had a good friend along the way: Pixar's late storyman Joe Ranft. Ranft and the Pixar gang found an old tow truck in Kansas, and Ranft then began to craft the role of Mater from that little encounter. After watching the film, my admiration for Ranft swelled. Mater is one of -- if not THE -- funniest characters to come out of Pixar in a long time. Mater isn't some redneck doofus. He may be a little rusty behind the mirrors, but Mater just wants to have a good time. At times, he almost resembles a playful puppy dog, jumping around on his axles. If anything, it just seems that Mater really just wants to make friends.

Much of the film takes place in Radiator Springs, and the surrounding grandeur of Ornament Valley. The landscapes are so beautiful, and there's a majestic beauty in the rock formations, shaped like car fenders and hood ornaments. Even some of the flowers that blow by are shaped like vintage taillights. The setting sun over the hills casts such beautiful pastel-shades that you almost wish you could be standing there in the sand and dirt,watching the long shadows play over the surroundings.


Music also plays a key in the landscape of "Cars." Randy Newman returns to the fold. But this time, he's accompanied by several other artists such as Sheryl Crowe, Rascall Flatts and even James Taylor. Of almost all the artists, I think it's going to be James Taylor's song that will resonate the most with the audience. His song "Our Town" is to "Cars," what "When She Loved Me" was to "Toy Story 2." I won't lie when I say that I felt my eyes dampening during Taylor's number. I think if anyone came from a small town somewhere, and watched as it seemed to get smaller will get something out of this song.

It's been over 1 ½ years since Pixar released their last film and -- if anything -- that last extra half-a-year has probably added to a growing eagerness to see this film. In this day and age, it's difficult to find decent films, let alone those that will leave families feeling that their hard-earned money was well spent. For those who may be wondering, "Cars" is definitely worth it and more. Pixar has never talked down to their audiences, and it shows. The parents will get some of the jokes, and the kids will laugh at some, and then later -- when they grow up -- they'll go "Oh, that's what he meant." I'm already planning to see it again with my friends when it comes out, and I know they'll enjoy it as well. Personally, this is the first time this year I've been so eager to put down $9.50 to see a movie again!


One last thing. Take a look at the picture above. This little guy is named Guido. He's the assistant to Luigi of Radiator Springs' store Luigi's Cassa Della Tires. Though he's small and only knows 2 words of English ("Pit Stop"), I can assure you this about the movie: Guido will have his "moment." And when he does, you'll know, dear readers ... You. Will. Know.


P.S. And remember don't leave once the credits role. "Cars" does have a special treat at the end for the audience, and they even give their "good-luck charm" a fun little roast (from the most unlikely of vehicles).

Rules for Crashing

Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
Rule #2: Never use your real name.
Rule #3: When crashing an Indian wedding, identify yourself as a well-known immigrant officer or a county lawyer.
Rule #4: No one goes home alone.
Rule #5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow crasher.
Rule #6: Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7: Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8: Be the life of the party.
Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10: Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11: Sensitive is good.
Rule #12: When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule #13: Bridesmaids are desperate: console them.
Rule #14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #17: Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
Rule #18: You love animals and children.
Rule #19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule #20: The older the better, the younger the better (see Rule below)
Rule #21: Definitely make sure she's
18.
Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
Rule #23: There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
Rule #24: If you get outed, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule #25: You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.
Rule #26: Of course you love her.
Rule #27: Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
Rule #28: Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule #29: Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30: Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
Rule #31: If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
Rule #32: Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33: Never go back to your place.
Rule #34: Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35: Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #36: Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
Rule #37: At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule #38: Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up.
Rule #39: The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
Rule #40: Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
Rule #41: Never hit on the bride -- it's a one way ticket to the pavement
Rule #42: Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
Rule #43: At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Rule #44: Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after. But don't talk about it.
Rule #45: Always remember your fake name! Rehearse it in advance and make sure you know your fellow Crasher's code-name as well!
Rule #46: The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
Rule #47: You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #48: Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancée.
Rule #49: Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule #50: Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
Rule #51: Always pull out in time.
Rule #52: Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
Rule #53: It's time to put your Drama Lessons in practice! Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive". Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
Rule #54: Avoid virgins. They're too clingy.
Rule #55: If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
Rule #56: Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up.
Rule #57: When seeing a rival Crasher, do not interact: merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on.
Rule #58: The Ferrari's in the shop.
Rule #59: If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield.
Rule #60: No "chicken dancing": no exceptions.
Rule #61: When crashing out of state, request permission from the local Wedding Crasher chapter.
Rule #62: No more than two weddings a weekend. More and your game gets sloppy. You'll also attract unwanted notice.
Rule #63: Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm.
Rule #64: Always save room for cake.
Rule #65: When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island.
Rule #66: Smile! You're having the time of your life.
Rule #67: Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with the haunted past.
Rule #68: Dance with the Bride's grandmother.
Rule #69: No sex on the altar. Confessionals, okay. Chair lofts, better.
Rule #70: Two shutouts in a row? It's time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is it that is getting in the way of my happiness?
Rule #71: Research, research, research the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some more.
Rule #72: Studies have shown that women have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints: small cost, big yield.
Rule #73: Keep interactions with the parents of the bride and groom to a minimum.
Rule #74: In case of emergency, refer to the rulebook.
Rule #75:
Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion.
Rule #77: Carry extra protection at ALL times.
Rule #78: The unmarried female rabbi: is she fair game? Of course she is.
Rule #79: The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served first.
Rule #80: Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life.
Rule #81: Occasionally bring a gift: you're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender.
Rule #82: Always think ahead but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind.
Rule #83: Don't let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions.
Rule #84: Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder.
Rule #85: Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit: not cool, not effective.
Rule #86: Shoes say a lot about the man.
Rule #87: Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to blend.
Rule #88: You're from out of town. ALWAYS.
Rule #89: Know something about the place you say you are from, whether be from another US state or another country. Texas is too-played out. For some reason, England, Germany or even New Hampshire seem to work. Master the accents convincingly, and you've nailed them!
Rule #90: Of course you dream of one day having children.
Rule #91: Never dance to "What I Like About You." It's long past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how hot the girl.
Rule #92: Tell the bride's friends and family that you are family of the groom and visa-versa.
Rule #93: Only take one car. You never know when you'll need to make a fast escape.
Rule #94: Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
Rule #95: Try not to show off on the dance floor. This means you Jeremy.
Rule #96: Etiquette isn't old-fashioned. It's sexy.
Rule #97: Catholic weddings: the classic dilemma: painfully long ceremony: horny girls.
Rule #98: The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing form. Choose carefully.
Rule #99: Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best.
Rule #100: Save the tuxes for "the big show" only.
Rule #101: Avoid women who were psychology majors in college. There is no kind of woman more clingy and persistent than a psychologist investigating your story later on.
Rule #102: No periwinkle colored ties, please.
Rule #103: Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
Rule #104: Be well groomed and well-mannered.
Rule #105: Never cockblock a fellow Crasher. Cockblocking an invited guest--okay.
Rule #106: Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the energy later.
Rule #107: Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating.
Rule #108: Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around.
Rule #109: Always carry an assortment of place cards to match any wedding design.
Rule #110: Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too.
Rule #111: Never have sex with bride or groom's mother even if she is the hottest bombshell at the wedding. Just control yourself.
Rule #112: Have FUN! It's why you're there!
Rule #113: Don't look for opportunities; make them.
Rule #114: 3-4 months to wedding crash--funerals are year round!
Rule #115: Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket. (The rule that Jeremy makes up to insult John)

Vince Vaughn

Recently, I was bored enough to imagine myself interviewing Vince Vaughn. Vince, the star of such hit films as Swingers, Old School, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, and Wedding Crashers, is used to portraying the quintessentially confident and fast-talking salesman type in his buddy films, but as I was to find out, the real Vince is a quiet, shy, introverted, and exceedingly humble gentleman. So without further ado, I give you my fictional interview with Mr. Vaughn.

Marc Craig – Vince, thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

Vince Vaughn – You motor-boatin’ son of a bitch!

MC – Beg your pardon?

VV – That’s from Wedding Crashers.

MC – Oh…right. Ha. I remember that, that was when –

VV – Marc, baby – what are we doing here?

MC– Uh, well we’re conducting an interview. I was hoping –

VV – No. I mean, what are we doing with our lives? You know what I’m saying?

MC – I’m not sure I follow.

VV– Let me tell you a story, you like stories, good. This one’s about a guy named Vince. It’s hypothetical, it’s about a guy named Vince but it might as well be about a guy named Steve, or Joe, or Ricky, because it’s a universal thing, it’s here and it’s there, it’s up and it’s down, it’s about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. It’s about friendship and success, ambition and dreams. Take me for example. Lots of people say I’m an actor. I don’t know. Maybe I am. Maybe you are. Maybe we all are. Maybe we’re all just actors on this great stage we call planet Earth. Maybe we’re acting right now and aliens are watching us and they’re going, “This movie sucks!” and maybe they’re right. You know what I’m saying? Maybe we oughta get canceled. But I don’t think so – know why? Because I have faith. I’m glad you asked that question.

MC – I didn’t ask a question.

VV – Not with your mouth you didn’t but your eyes – they asked a question and that question got answered. It’s okay. You’re welcome.


MC – Thank you?

VV – Don’t mention it. You know what’s funny? I was at this party in North Hollywood and this guy – Paul or Freddy or Jimbo, I don’t remember for sure – details, details, you know? But this guy comes up to me and says, “Vince, baby, how did you break into the biz? Even better – how did you avoid getting pigeon-holed and typecast, how did you find yourself acting in such a wide variety of films, how did you have the good fortune to get to portray so many different characters?” I say, “You want the long and short of it? Talent.” A lot of things are like that.

MC – Okay…

VV – Another time, I’m doing karaoke with my man Brad Pitt – I’m nailing his ex – and we’re halfway through this kick-ass rendition of “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” when some guy starts heckling us. So I turn to Pitt and I say, “You hear that B-Radical? This joker’s knocking our performance. You gonna take that Fight Club?” Pitt turns to me and says, “Forget it man. It’s not that big a deal.” I say to him, “Not that big a deal? What are you – Jesus? You gonna turn the other cheek to this guy? You’re a Hollywood badass! I saw you throw down in Snatch. Let’s get this guy.” But Pitt begged off. Long story short, I followed the heckler home and burned his house down.

MC – Jesus. [shifts uneasily] So, uh, you mentioned Jennifer Aniston. You two are dating now right?

VV – Jen – she’s a great girl. Not too thick in the chest or between the ears, but great girl all around. Love her to death. We did a movie – The Break Up – in theaters June 2nd. Do yourself a favor and go see it. Bring the kids. Bring the parents. Bring the whole family. It’s a date movie. It’s a comedy. Lots of laughs. Regular giggle-fest. Get on it. [slaps me on the ass]

MC – Thanks. Vince, you starred opposite Will Ferrell in both Old School and Anchorman. What was it like working with a man many people consider to be one of the premiere-

VV – DOROTHY MANTOOTH IS A SAINT! Ha ha. You like that? No problem. I’m more than happy to play loveable rival anchorman Wes Mantooth any day of week. Anything for my fans. That’ll be five thousand dollars.

MC – Vince - this brings up an interesting point. It’s alleged that you suffer from some sort of hyperactivity disorder. Is there any truth to this?

VV – Hyperactive? Who’s hyperactive? Are you hyperactive, ‘cause I think you are just jumping around like a regular Mexican jumping bean firing off questions left and right and not letting old Vince get a word in edgewise! I mean, hell man, if you want this interview over just say the word and I’ll take this [slaps own ass] sweet thing right out the door – last thing you see. Or maybe I’ll just sprinkle a couple lines on this table and we get down to business. Your choice.

MC – Vince, I didn’t mean anything by it. Honestly, I was just playing devil’s advocate and-

VV – That’s okay. I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do and I gotta do what I gotta do. That’s just how it is. I love you.

MC – Thanks, Vince. [looks around anxiously for an exit]

VV – Please, call me Vince.

MC– Uh…

VV – Better yet, call me Vince.

MC – Security!

VV – Baby, relax. I’m just kidding. That’s a little trick I like to play where I act like I go crazy. The truth is, I’m totally fucking nuts. BAM! I’m Emeril! Again, just kidding. Look, it’s been real but I gotta go. Stay beautiful. [hurls himself out the win