ZACK MORRIS IN IRAQ

Reasons why Zack should be sent to Iraq:

Advanced Military Logistics – When Zack was forced by Mr. Belding (what a prick) to join ROTC; cadet Morris met the challenge by beating the pants off the “jocks” in a physical competition, despite the fact he was on a team of complete nerds (i.e. Screech). Zack accomplished this by boasting the teams’ morale and decisive strategizing.

Superior Intelligence – Um, we’re talking about a guy who got a 1502 on the SATs, which beat the pants off of Jessie Spano and her weak 1200. (Side note: Jessie was a pill popping hussy. Had she lain off the sauce maybe she would’ve made it the College Years.)

Psychological Warfare – When looking to snare Kelly as his date in an upcoming Bayside pageant, Zack employed the tactical method of subliminal messaging; infecting Bayside with a serious case of “Zack Fever”.

Athletic Prowess – Two words: “Running Zack”.

Technologically Advanced – His cell phone could launch Patriot Missiles while answering calls to his 900 number advice line.

Reinforcements – Zack Attack wasn’t just a band, folks. And “Friends Forever” wasn’t just a hit single; it was a way of life.

In conclusion, let the facts speak for themselves. Zack is the kind of guy who can walk into a suck-a-mongus situation and leave it sparkling. Look at what he did for the Malibu Sand Beach Club! Even with a feces-eating boss like Mr. Carosi up in Zack’s grill, he STILL turned that bozac beach club into a summer hotspot. Just imagine what he could do for Iraq?!?! Imagine the hilarity, which would ensue as he confronts Sadam!!! I smell detention!! The only way to find out is to DEPLOY CADET MORRIS!!!!